Too many doubt and confusion left

A short reflection at the last

Something happened to me in this course, I can sense the doubt and confusion in head questioning myself more and more frequently. The unconfident on what I assumed good at and enough for me came to me little by little. Is that all I thought and sense before is too superficial? How far I should dig in after reaching an article or video? Once those questions sneaked into and established in mind, it never move and keep stretching.

I’m not certain and comfortable to reach a conclusion or final truth about everything. People sum up and catalog all most everything into words, catalogs, theories. I’m prefer to step out those circles but feel been trapped by them. This probably result from the fact that I’m a lazy person having dependent mentality. To use those exist division and create this kind of vague summery is easy and efficient in daily chat. Giving up self to those generic big titles and judgements is a strategy to fit into a generic but safe life. However, I’m now a design student in Communication Design MFA program, in Pratt, in America, moving out from the world of journalism and literature in China. I believe that the world is much larger and diversity than the limitation of words and a solid definitions. Such as there shouldn’t be a only answer to what is origin of entertainment. Why that is so important to come reach a agreement and answer accept by others. God for human is Jesus in a white male face. Answer of entertainment for thousands people should be their own version. But now in practice, I have been push forward to reach deeper and come out idea with specific words. This process philosophers and scientists who tried to find THE ultimate truth. Are we will be someone like them to find out more “golden word” in Design?

Most of professors in this program told me as Tom mentioned in the middle that the goal of this program is to become a leader in the design running forward to the future. That’s why we need to keep research and come out somethings new and meaningful. At least this is what I feel about our work that we always attempt to make sense and come out a result. Thus here come other questions: Is that a leader need to make sense and have a clear conclusion in mind all the time? Also, our thesis is like to create another system with rules and ideas set a frame on others, even the improvising Liz Danzico predicted. Does a leader in such way is to fit into the system first and create later or step out first? There are too many question and misty raised in my head.

In the final triangulation, I found out the method of folding materials and connections in overlaps. This might be an useful method in future research to explore and create a new view. Such as I describe Spain-America War by dividing layers of information from different party, country, social statue,etc. When I visualized those asunder info on transparent plastic layers and overlaid them together, people can tell more new from this kind of comprehensive view of this war. In research and design, I hope to find more with this overlap.

To answer my questions on triangulation, I want to use Jean-Paul Sartre’s word in his dairy 1932. I know my dear professor probably will ask: “I don’t want read his words. What it means? What you want to conclude in one sentence?” I can answer something like: “Those changing and connections exit every corner and second, I need to start notice them and open my heart accepting all subtle ordinary sense.” But that is not my full understanding. Not beautiful and accurate enough. I want reader enjoy their own understanding and Bingo time.

“The thing is that I rarely think; a crowd of small metamorphoses accumulate in me without my noticing it, and then, one fine day, a veritable revolution takes place.”

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